why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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