Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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