i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
