having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
