Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
