lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
