Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
