Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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