I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize