dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
