just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
