Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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