here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have post one night stand depression
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