lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let's paint friendship bongs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize