when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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