I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
