she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
