i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
