I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
