Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
