$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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