I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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