My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
