well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
