What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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