while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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