i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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