Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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