you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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