I think im going to throw up on grandma
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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