I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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