I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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