Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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