seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
