He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
