drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
