somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize