It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
