Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
