I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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