just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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