my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
