my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i'm inner monologue high
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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