why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
