you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
