your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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