Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
