Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
