Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize