Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your penis caused this!
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