I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
