Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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