i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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