1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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