we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
