Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
