Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am one with the molecules
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
