Where did you get a picture of my penis
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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