I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We are all done wearing pants today
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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