I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
