No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
