Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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