They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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