I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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