I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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