i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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