I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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