Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
